Short and sweet

Epitaphs


Here lies the body of Jonathan Pound,
Who was lost at sea and never found.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

On Charles II

Here lies our Severign Lord and King,
    Whose word no man relies on,
Who never said a foolish thing,
    Nor ever did a wise one.

        John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Here lies John Bun;
He was killed by a gun.
His name was not Bun, but Wood;
But Wood would not rhyme with gun, and Bun would.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Here lies father, mother, sister, and I;
    We all died within the space of one short year;
They be all buried at Wimble, except I,
    And I be buried here.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Here lies the body of Old Man Pease
Resting quietly 'neath flowers and trees.
But Pease is not here, just the pod -
Pease shelled out and went to God.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~




Limericks - the first is by Edward Lear, the rest are anonymous.

Said a great Congragational preacher
To a hen, 'You're a beautiful creature."
    The hen, just for that,
    Laid an egg in his hat,
And thus did the hen reward Beecher.



A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
    Said the fly, "Let us flee."
    Said the flea, "Let us fly."
So they flew through a flaw in the flue.



A handsome young noble of Spain,
Met a lion one day in the rain
    He ran in a fright
    With all of his might,
But the lion, he ran with his mane!



A girl who weighed many an oz.
Used language I dared not pronoz.
    For a fellow unkind
    Pulled her chair out behind
Just to see (so he said) if she'd boz.



(You have to say this next one with a British accent)

An opera star named Maria
Always tried to sing higher and higher
    Till she hit a high note
    Which got stuck in her throat --
Then she entered the Heavenly Choir.



A housewife called out with a frown
When surprised by some callers from town,
    "In a minute or less
    I'll slip on a dress" --
But she slipped on the stairs and came down.