Limbo

It feels like nothing's happening. Our Missouri house is finished but we're waiting on paperwork so the construction loan can be converted. And waiting... The renovation cost us a lot more than we'd estimated, so we're rethinking our original plan, which was for me and the four younger children to move out there next month. We think we ought to get the extra debt we went into paid down first before starting to move...

On the other hand, a lot is happening. My oldest son has been taking EMT classes this summer, and right now he's running some errands related to putting in his application for a volunteer position at the local fire and rescue station. This afternoon will be his first day on the job as a bagger (working for tips) at the commissary.

Tomorrow, the kids are going down to the county fair -- their group of volunteers at George Washington's birthplace is putting on a play in the evening. Mike won't be able to go since he has to stay home and milk the goats, but a friend and I are going. I haven't been to a county fair in ages and I'm looking forward to it.

We had a yard sale last weekend, advertised in the local paper and everything, but we had a lousy turnout. We've always done really well at yard sales, but this (along with an unadvertised attempt two weeks earlier) is the first time we've had one since moving here four years ago. I don't think it'll be worth it to try again. We were trying to get rid of stuff preparatory to moving, plus make a little money. Usually we just drop stuff off at the local charity thrift store. We have a few items that the thrift store won't take, like a bed, so I guess we'll try Craigslist or something like that. I'd hate to have to take it to the dump.

And of course, there's painting and repairs that we need to do to get the house ready to go on the market in the spring.

So I have plenty of regular, daily work to be doing, but I don't like not knowing for sure what our longer-range goals are. I have a hard time staying on task when I don't have a clear goal and timeline before me. So far, all of our deadlines have been receding, which makes it feel like we're not accomplishing our goals, but when I compare where we are today with where we were this time last, we really have made progress... just a whole lot slower than we originally thought.

All this slowness and waiting gives us plenty of time to second-guess ourselves, too. We keep wondering if we're really making the right decisions. We know that in the end God works all things together for good, but it sure would be comfortable if we had some way of knowing that what we're doing now, today, is Good in itself -- is pleasing to the Lord -- and not just stupid mistakes that he'll eventually make good in spite of us.

Eldorado

by Edgar Allan Poe

Gaily bedight,
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song,
In search of Eldorado.

But he grew old —
This knight so bold —
And o’er his heart a shadow
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.

And, as his strength
Failed him at length,
He met a pilgrim shadow —
“Shadow,” said he,
“Where can it be —
This land of Eldorado?”

“Over the mountains
Of the Moon,
Down the Valley of the Shadow,
Ride, boldly ride,”
The shade replied —
“If you seek for Eldorado!”