More real bits for Donna and some mothering stuff for Kristen
Yesterday afternoon I dropped my eldest off at the library and took the two younger boys along for the ride. My
"Mama, how do spiders get in houses?"
"Mama, why are houses old?"
"Mama, what's that place?"
"Mama, what bus is that?"
"What persons go on it?"
"Where do they go?"
"Mama, what's that place?"
"Mama, where are we going?"
"Can I go in, too?"
"Mama, what's that's place?"
"What do persons need banks for?"
"Mama, is that a church?"
"Is that a church, too?"
"Why do they make all the churches here?"
"Mama, what's that place?"
"Why did God make wasps?"
"Do Luke cough?"
Though my voice was never raised, by this time having made my third wrong turn, dissolving into hysterics I told him not to ask me any more questions.
Margaret mentioned in a comment below that she had never heard me raise my voice to my children, and though I fail plenty, this is an area where God has really blessed me, so I want to share a couple of things I've learned along the way.
Before I married, I provided after-school care for K4 through 1st graders at a Christian school. On my first day of work, while sitting outside the classroom waiting for the teacher to introduce me, I resolved never to raise my voice to these children, a resolution which was broken on the playground less than an hour into the job when it was time for the kids to line up and go back inside. After work that day I bought myself a whistle that I trained the kids to respond to - one long blast meant "line up," and two short ones meant "stop!" - someone was either about to get hurt or was behaving badly.
After that first day, I never did raise my voice to those children, and by the end of the school year, after spending 25 hours a week with two dozen four to seven year olds, I concluded that God had uniquely gifted me to be a good mommy to a large family.
Ha! Pride goeth before a fall, and successfully managing several small children in a controlled environment for five hours a day is nothing at all like managing one or two small children in a normal house all day, every day, with no weekends off or vacations, but I did learn one valuable lesson that I've put into practice since that time - if at all possible, use a whistle or bell to call the kids when they are too far away or too spread out to speak to them in a normal tone of voice. Over the years we've used different bells to call the family to a meal or to call them in from play. You just don't want yelling to become a habit, or for your kids to be used to hearing your voice raised. That should be saved for extreme emergencies.
The other thing I've learned by experience is that when I do raise my voice in anger or frustration it's almost always because I neglected a problem when it was small and more easily dealt with and didn't get around to taking care of it until after it had gotten big enough to make me angry. I've also learned to pay attention when I'm just plain irritable because it's so easy to sound angry or peevish or to respond sarcastically without noticing it. There are days when I have to take a deep cleansing breath and pray quickly, Oh God, HELP! almost every time I open my mouth to speak!
And I will gladly confess that the reason I pay so much attention to this area and work so hard on it is because it's such a weakness for me. Oh how my flesh enjoys the sins of the tongue, and oh how thankful I am that God has heard my many many prayers and is conforming me to the image of his son!
Identify your particular weaknesses early on, and begin working on them soon, before your sin has hurt your children. For me, this means not only curbing angry or sarcastic speech but making the effort to smile and to speak with kindness and gentleness even when I don't feel like it.
And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
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Originally posted 21 October 2004
