Balance?
What's so funny about that quiz result from last night, is that if I change one answer, the one I'm most ambiguous on, I get this result:


what kitchen utensil are YOU?
You are a fridge! You can keep your cool, even when faced with a heated situation. You enjoy being the center of attention, and people come to you for advice or when they want something. People also like to stick things to the front of your body.

I guess that explains why taking the quiz at Carmon's blog this morning, yielded this result:

You're a Cappicinno!


What Kind of Coffee are You?
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Balance? Maybe it looks like that on the outside, but on the inside it feels like constant warfare. (Did you know that I have both Scottish and English blood in me? Maybe that's where the warfare comes from. :-p) I must say, I think I know how it feels to be the circus guy who rides a unicycle on the tightrope.

This is why it absolutley drives me nuts when people act like the reason I have a large family and homeschool is because I must be some kind of saint, so patient and gentle and loving. I always want to slap their silly faces and tell them, "No! It's because I believe that it's right and good, and you could do it too, if you felt as strongly about it as I do!"

Of course, being an Un-Official Prairie Muffin, that's not what I do. I generally smile sweetly and say something disarming. What I almost always fail to do, is to give the glory to God, thanking him for his mercy in blessing my imperfect efforts at living to his glory.

This lack of thankfulness to God and all his blessings is the biggest sin I struggle with, but here's something I noticed lately. Unthankfulness doesn't feel like ingratitude. It feels like not having life go as well as I deserve.

All through my childhood and adolescence I was always looking to the future for my happiness - When I grow up I will _________, and then I'll be happy. I did not recognize that everything, every person, every circumstance in my life was from the hand of a sovereign and good God, and that I should give thanks in everything.

This habit of mind has stuck with me and I've struggled with it for twenty years. For more than half my life this has been my besetting sin, but like I said before, since it doesn't feel like unthankfulness, it took me a long time to recognize it. Ingratitude manifests itself in all sorts of ugly ways: discontent, depression, self-pity, anger, unfaithfulness, covetousness...

Of course, the warfare in my blood is from sin, and far too often it's not from me struggling to submit myself to God, but from the various sins vying for control - which one will win out the next time someone tells me what a wonderful mother I must be? Depression, because I'm nowhere near as good a wife and mother as I dreamed I would be, causing me to react snarkily? Or vanity and pride causing me to pretend everything's just fine and taking the glory for myself?

This is why it is so very important to learn to give thanks to God in everything - the good and the bad - knowing that "all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

This is also why it is so important for parents to teach their children to be thankful - O God, please don't let my children grow up to be as ungrateful as I am!

At various times in my life I've kept a thanksgiving journal, writing down at least three things each morning for which I'm thankful. This discipline goes a long way in combatting my besetting sins, and I think I need to pull my journal out and put it to use again, but first I must continue to repent of my sin.

Psalm 51
1 Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest.
5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.
7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9 Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.
12 Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.
13 Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.
15 O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
16 For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
18 Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

This is real balance.